January 2012
5 posts
“I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient...”
– Dr. Seuss (via theremina)
4 tags
Most disturbing dream of the weekend was the foursome with Bianca from Eastenders, Amy Winehouse (alive) and Russell Brand while in the house of the woman who was going to supply me with all the kittens.
November 2011
7 posts
Mum: Hi, you alright?
Me: Yes thanks.
Mum: I'm just ringing because I'm drunk at a wedding and I can't remember the name of that crazy American comedian with the funny hair and glasses that you like so much.
Me: *pause* Woody Allen?
Mum: That's it thanks!
Me: Okay, bye.
1 tag
Material for Billy Connolly in a notebook from...
“I was putting my willy up my wife (back and forth and back and forth) but my willy went floppy so I did a wee hard jobby and put that in instead”.
If you are Billy Connolly’s agent, feel free to get in touch.
1 tag
What did Salvador Dalí's Alice in Wonderland look... →
via Stuart Rutherford
I MADE THIS!
As Christmas shopping season is now with us, please remember my book. It’s a perfect gift for someone you don’t really know or like. It’s also great for people who love Miranda (or a joke present for someone who hates her).
It’s available on Kindle now as well, so there’s no need to clutter up your bookshelf. This also means you can ‘search inside’ and...
October 2011
6 posts
eg Last night's dream
Last night the kittens were about the size of caterpillars, then after one night they were gorgeous silver tabbies and the main one could talk. He acted as translator between me and the others and I managed to teach them a dance routine.
Also, ex sex.
Top three dream themes
1. Looking after kittens
2. Sex
3. Forgetting to bring any luggage
Life in the UK: could you pass the citizenship... →
mabelmoments:
You scored 11 out of a possible 24
You have failed, the pass mark was 75% According to the Life in the UK Test, you have insufficient knowledge of the English language or of life in the UK to remain
Then it’s just as well I already have it.
I got 13 out of 24. I don’t know enough about the history of immigration in the UK…
4 tags
September 2011
19 posts
1 tag
1 tag
1 tag
2 tags
1 tag
3 tags
I miss that dasypygal fella...
:(
Another Word of the Day: Dasypygal
mabelmoments:
Having hairy buttocks.
3 tags
1 tag
“I was perplexed, all over again, the way one is after a friend’s death, by...”
– The Historian, Elizabeth Kostova.
Don’t you hate those moments where you can’t recognise your usual self?
2 tags
August 2011
1 post
Miranda Hart - Such Fun: Amazon.co.uk: Sophie... →
BUY MY BOOK Tumblr, please.
June 2011
1 post
May 2011
2 posts
2 tags
My cat really loves the colour green.
She’s a PURR VERT!
April 2011
84 posts
1 tag
I've got BUMACHE
Too much sitting and writing…
YouTube - Royal wedding: Tim Key's commemorative... →
1 tag
ARGH! MAYDAY! MAYDAY!
Pun-Filled
madeupjokeparty:
What did the furniture repair man say to the customer who wanted to do the furniture repairs without any assistance?
I don’t sink stool be table to do it drawer self.
By Daniel and Laura
From the show broadcast on 30th April 2011
Wasn’t it drawer shelf?
None
madeupjokeparty:
There’s a convent full of stupid people, except for one, and she’s Nun The Wiser.
By Phil McNamara
From the show broadcast on 30th April 2011
Those of you who don’t listen to Adam and Joe, this is the sort of joy you’re missing. I sent in my ‘My Dog’s got no-nos’ jokes, but they haven’t read them out. :(
Probably too good.
Person 1: What's ego surfing?
Person 2: Search me.
Sorry jhnbrssndn
But it’s a funny blowjob shot!
